December 23, 2016 - Newspost
Because I'm a man-child with zero self-control, I decided to open my x-mas presents early. I received a few cool items, some practical items, and a bunch of cards that I'll likely never read. Far and away my favorite gift, however, was a 3-pack of wiggly-jiggly candles that my wife bought me.
To be honest, I have no idea what they're actually called. They're fake, flameless, battery powered candles. Instead of the traditional plastic candle with an internal LED light (the kind our ancestors used), there's a flat, reflective, flame-shaped piece of plastic. When each candle is turned on (by remote control, of course), a spotlight shines on the flame as it wiggles and jiggles, creating a surprisingly realistic flickering effect. The candles are even made with real wax!
Does they serve any purpose? Nope! Have I waved them around and talked about candles constantly to the annoyance of my wife, dogs, and coworkers? Absolutely!
Oh sure, holidays are supposed to be about love, family, togetherness, blah blah blah. Yes, my wife read my mind and got me the perfect, dopey gift. But whatever-- It's also about the candles. I'm staring at one now.
I've had good holidays and bad, relaxing and stressful. Budgets can be tight, and even when everyone gets along, things can be exhausting. This week, for me, is not perfect, but it's been one of the good ones.
To all of you out there, I hope you get your wiggly-jiggly candles. If you don't, try not to stress it--they're just stupid candles.