2016-12-30 - Googling


Stalk The Comic:

December 30, 2016 - News Post

How can you tell if a smell is gone, or if you’re simply used to it?

I had the carpet cleaned in the room next to the kitchen. Given my dogs and my disgusting habits, it seemed like the proper thing to do.

Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever hired someone to clean a carpet before, but it goes something like this:

Your wife calls all over town because you’re “trying to write a comic”. Then, when she receives all the quotes, you go with the very first one (regardless of yelp reviews).

When the guy shows up (in my case it was a guy), he will immediately tell you that the price is twice what he quoted you, because “enzymic cleaner costs extra.”

You explain that his email says otherwise, and that his new price is higher than your highest bidder. He will shrug his shoulders.

At this point, you have a few choices. You can tell him to get lost, accept the new price, or you can go with the best option: pulling out your wallet and showing only enough for what was originally quoted. You may have to pretend you don’t know what a credit card is, or (as I prefer) honestly explain that you have terrible credit with no available funds.

You’ll go back and forth for a little bit. He’ll bring up the hefty cost of enzymic cleaner, you’ll talk about having no money. You’ll each assume the other person is lying, but if you’re lucky (and I was) he’ll reluctantly agree to do it for the original price.

I didn’t pay much attention to the cleaning part. I honestly received so much joy out of our little social interaction that I didn’t think it was necessary. I left the room, but let me be clear, it certainly had nothing to do with me fleeing the aftermath of an awkward conversation. Nothing at all.

He turned on his van to run his equipment, then snaked a bunch of tubes and wires through the door. Interestingly, his tailpipe was only about an arm’s length from the door. I couldn’t help but notice that the entire house was quickly filling with exhaust. He hosed down the carpet, then began to vacuum. The smell grew in the room.

“Hey, do I smell exhaust?” I asked, as if I didn’t know.

“Nope, that’s just the enzymes. It’ll smell for a while as the carpet dries.” he explained.

Oooooh. It was enzymes. Good thing, too, because it’s too cold to open the windows.

I left the room and ignored the smell of enzymes. It didn’t take long for him to finish. Apparently, carpet cleaning is not a very time consuming job, but it was important for him to leave his vehicle running as he cleaned up. It took him a long time to wind up his many hoses, yet when he was done, he assured me the sopping wet (but mostly clean looking) carpet was “done”

He wrapped up, took his agreed upon amount of money, and drove off without giving me a receipt.

After years of walking on carpets, this was my very first experience paying to have one cleaned, and let me tell you, it was a delight!

One weird thing, though-- for a while after he left, that thick gross smell was still lingering. I can only assume that was the enzymes doing their work. Thankfully, the smell is finally starting to fade. It’s either dissipated or I’m too used to it to tell. In either case, it’s just in time. I’m feeling a little lightheaded, and I need to take a nap…