April 12, 2019 - News Post

I made Tofacos for dinner-- tofu tacos that are absolutely abhorrent. I love the food here in Hawaii, but when breakfast, lunch, and dinner consists of fish and noodles, things tend to get weird when I deviate.

I left about as big a mess as you can imagine while stirring the “food”. I’m not a great cook, I’m an adequate one. My system involves hopping from one nearly burning pile of food to another, narrowly staying ahead of a charred, blackened meal.

I’m good with anything that requires nothing more than water and heat. I am an absolute master with pasta and rice. Anything more complicated than that, and things get messy.

Literally. I make a mess.

Stirring, flipping, flopping, folding... these are things that I find complicated. I lack grace. I have decent fine motor skills. I would probably kick ass at decorating a cake, but half of the batter would wind up on the floor. I’m quite clumsy in front of an oven.

Which brings me back to my tofacos. I somehow dripped fake meat crumbles all over the counter, floor, and sink.

Normally, I would take care of this problem after dinner. But I had taxes to do, and it suddenly became 1:30am.

Now, my wife is sound asleep. She has an early meeting, and needs the kitchen to prep her lunch for the day. My question for you, dear reader. Is this:

Do I annoy her by banging dishes in our loft apartment at 1:30am? Or do I annoy her when she wakes in 4 hours and finds the kitchen disgusting and devoid of any clean dishes?

Please answer quickly.

P.S. - For everyone wondering about the contest, I will be picking a winner soon. My plan for randomly selecting a winner is weather dependent (and it’s been very windy all month).

-Jeff