May 27, 2016 - Newspost
I don't mean to brag... But I'm currently nursing a pretty nasty spider bite.
I'm no doctor, but if recent blockbuster movies and comic books have taught me anything, I should be expecting some pret-ty nice super powers in the next few days.
I know what you're thinking. To gain superpowers, doesn't the spider need to be radioactive? Well, how do you know it wasn't?!? There's so much radon gas built up in my house, we're probably both radioactive.
The skin around the bite is already incredibly swollen, I'm assuming my muscles will follow soon. It will be nice to finally have the muscular physique I clearly deserve without having to go through the trouble of earning it.
Oh wait, it's two bites... DOUBLE super powers! There's no way anything bad can come of this.