September 5, 2020 - News Post

Whelp, I just came the closest to death I’ve been in months.

Shannon and I took Gozer for a walk around the neighborhood (Shannon is my wife, Gozer is the dog). The neighborhood is hilly and suburban, without any sidewalks. We traveled up and down streets and wound around a graveyard, then continued up a hill. When we reached the right combination of hot and bored, we made a U-turn and began our journey back. Not long after turning around, we stood on a bridge overlooking our street.

The bridge stretches over a pretty (and occasionally gross) stormwater runoff waterfall. We took 30 seconds to discuss whether we could climb the steep wet rocks down. There was no set path down the rocks. No sidewalk, street, or stairs. We’d have to hop a short barrier. It would be scary and dangerous. Going that way would get us home in 3 minutes. Going back the way we came (via the streets) would require us to walk another mile before we made it home.

All we'd have to do was a bit of trespassing and taking our own life into our hands. Totally worth it, right?

RIGHT?!?

...

I don't know, because we decided to take the safe way back.

The safest possible way.

So not ten steps after coming to that decision, a car barreled off the road and into the bushes right in front of us. I remember it in slow motion.

You know those times you run into a person in a hallway? You take a step to the left and they take a step to the left, you take a step to the right and they take a step to the right, you look at each other and smile awkwardly? Eventually, one of the two of you have to get shoved. It was like that, except one of the people was a car and the other person was two people and a dog running terrified from that car.

The car didn't really go through the bushes, so much as it bounced up and over them a few at a time. Dropping parts as it went.

Had we not taken 30 seconds to discuss taking the stupid way, had we not seriously considered doing something dumb, we would have been under the wheels of the car.

It was a narrow path with a fence on one side and bushes on the other. If we were seconds earlier, the car would have been unavoidable, and the scene very very ugly.

If you guessed the guy was drunk, you would be close.

When the embarrassed looking driver stepped out, he said he spilled his drink. He then proceeded to pick up hubcaps and bumper pieces. We would've yelled at him, but I think he learned his lesson. Also, I think we too stupified to talk.

This was 20 minutes ago.

I'm glad I'm still here.

...

It seems the curse you cast on me failed to work... this time. I'll be watching you.

-Jeff