May 14, 2022 - News Post

Given how stressful the world has been, I've recently turned to assembling Legos as a relaxing hobby.

It's been a nice distraction. I haven't played with Legos since childhood. Once I got used to the fact that my hands had grown since the age of six, I've found the mind-numbing repetitive tasks quite soothing as the world crumbles.

Aside from the general stresses of life in the 2020s, one recent problem has been my neighbor. Let's call him Nick.

Nick has a short fuse.

I live up a long, winding, one-laned road. Along the way from the main street is Nick's house, and then mine. Nick is not a fan of hikers or strange cars asking their way up our road. It's a dead end, and if anyone come up the road who looks like they're not on official business, Nick makes it his business.

He will yell, scream, and generally lose his temper in ways that would look great on a four-year-old. Nick, however, is in his 40s, giant, bald, tattooed, scarred, and generally terrifying in a pirate sort of way.

Personally, I usually get along with the guy (what's not to like about ME?!?). He has a personal bubble of space that happens to extend halfway down the street. Stay outside of that, and you're good. Step inside the bubble uninvited, and he'll hurl insults, threats, and slurs unrecognizable outside of prison or a Netflix comedy special.

Generally, this is not okay. And it becomes even worse when he scares away plumbers, delivery drivers, and any other helpful service professionals who happen to park by or drive too close to his house. He single-handedly delayed our kitchen sink repair by months, and who knows how the hell we're going to get a tree trimming truck up the hill. Warning him ahead of time rarely helps.

He's an... emotional... guy.

This can sometimes make our interactions rocky. But for all his rage issues, Nick has been super helpful to those of us on the hill. When a delivery truck got stuck sideways on our narrow road, he was the first one out there with a jack trying to help. He cleans up the leaves and debris, is the first to call the power company when there's a problem, and can be a super helpful neighbor from a distance.

So where the FedEx driver ran off the road earlier this week, Nick was eager to offer assistance. He grabbed another neighbor, a super skinny, face-tattooed buddy, and approached the driver...

"Hey bro, we'll help you of there. Don't worry about a thing."

(I wasn't there, but I've since heard the story.)

The trapped driver, hearing Nick's booming voice and seeing the even more booming demeanor, immediately rolled up the window and started video recording with his phone.

Nick did not take this well.

"Hey bro, we're trying to help you. Why don't you step out and let us help you?"

The driver responded that he was calling the police.

This was not taken well by Nick. The driver got into a heavy verbal sparring match with my two neighbors. Through the closed window, of course.

They shouted back and forth, louder and louder. This lasted several minutes until the police arrived. This was when I was first alerted to the excitement. Despite being hallway down the street, Nick's voice easily rattled my windows.

Nick went home and spoke with the officer. This happens every few months or so, so the situation was easily explained away. Everyone eventually calmed down, a tow truck was called, the driver's boss showed up, and the FedEx van was removed from the ditch. A heated but quiet exchange took place between the driver and his boss.

A half an hour later, I went to talk to Nick. I was curious about what the officer said.

The very moment I asked that, the now un-trapped FedEx driver, on foot, rounded the corner.

"I have a delivery for Jeff Lofvers." He said.

Nick's eyes darted to me. I smiled and accepted the package. Nick, for all that just happened, remained silent.

The driver, turned to walk away. He stopped, and turned back to Nick. "I'm going to send the police my video."

For some strange reason, Nick got upset again. Insults and eventually threats were hurled. Nick's dog started barking, windows were rattling, a good time was had by all. I tried a few "That's taking things a little too far" statements before the driver left. No one paid me any attention.

With the driver safely around the corner, I grabbed my phone, said "Well, look at the time." And sauntered back home with my package.

Long story short, I got my box of Legos from the FedEx driver. I'm looking forward to a super relaxing time. You should give it a try! Legos bring so much joy to so many people. I can't recommend them enough.

-Jeff