July 4, 2020 - News Post

My socks are expiring.

All of them.

Many years ago, I discovered the wonders of buying socks in bulk. Same brand, same style, same color. If every sock is identical, there will never be a second wasted on finding a matching pair. No decisions, no accidental asymmetry. I just grab two and go.

This is convenient. It saves time, it saves effort.

It’s the only reason why I have my comic character wearing the same outfits every day. It’s not laziness, merely a reflection of how I buy clothes. Yup. That’s the only reason.

Buying socks in bulk is a wonderful solution for a lot of life’s minor annoyances. The solution does not, however, last forever.

The thing about buying socks at the exact same time, is that they all experience wear and tear at the same rate. My socks are mixed pretty thoroughly. When one starts to degrade, its friends are not far behind.

Two months ago, I had one hole in one sock. One week later, I had two holes. I switched to nicer pairs, and those grew holes, too. One washing later, and I’m hovering around 50% holeage. Not ideal.

New socks have been ordered, but the old brand is no longer available. I must now experiment with a few different types. I can only hope I find a reprieve before I am forced to wear shoes without socks. It’s quite the nightmare.

Look, I get it. I’m pretty certain this is the pettiest of all possible problems right now. If you’re thinking that, I don’t blame you. All I can do for you is offer one bit of advice...

Don’t ask me about my bulk underwear.

-Jeff